This post is dedicated to fans of 2 greatest sitcoms, F.R.I.E.N.D.S and The Big Bang Theory. I took two most unique characters, one from each show and created a blind date.
If you need a back story, Sheldon loses a bet to Leonard and has to go on a date with whoever Leonard sets him up with. Phoebe accompanies Ross to a Paleontology conference where Leonard, who is on a Physics conference, overhears her talking to Ross, and cannot think of anyone else who could be a worse blind date for Sheldon. Leonard talks to Ross and Ross agrees since Phoebe has been pestering him to set her up; neither Phoebe nor Sheldon has an idea of what they are in for (let's forget Mike and Amy for a minute there).
Scene 1
Setting: Phoebe's Apartment
Phoebe in her apartment, speaking over the
phone.
Phoebe: Hey Mon, little change of plans;
looks like I can’t come over to babysit the twins after all (listens) Well, you
are the twins’ mother, and, well, that made me think about my mother and how
she killed herself… (hesitates) alright, I have a date, but it’s Ross’s fault,
he set me up… (hesitates) alright, I begged him to set me up… is that one of
the twins crying? You should get that” hangs up and exhales.
Knock on door.
Knock knock knock
Voice: Miss Buffay?
Knock knock knock
Voice: Miss Buffay?
Knock knock knock
Voice: Miss Buffay?
Phoebe listens, puzzled; then opens the
door.
Sheldon: Hi, I’m Sheldon Cooper.
Phoebe: HI, I’m Phoebe Buffay (holds out
her hand).
Sheldon: (Stares at Phoebe’s hand) Aren’t
you a masseuse?
Phoebe: I’m a guitar player, telemarketer,
a womb rental one time, and yes, a masseuse.
Sheldon: Good Lord (walks down the hallway)
Phoebe: Good one, Phoebs (Follows Sheldon
down the hall).
Scene 2
Setting: Street
Sheldon is waiting on the street. Phoebe
drives down in her grandmother’s cab.
Phoebe: Hey, Sheldon, hop into my
relaxi-taxi.
Sheldon (to himself): Like I’m going to
relax in that. (gets into the car. to Phoebe): This is your car?
Phoebe: Well, it’s my grandmother’s car,
but she sometimes lets me drive it. Would you like to say hi to her?
Sheldon: I only talk to my mee-maw. Other
grandmothers are gross.
Phoebe: Come on, she’s right here! (takes
out a box from under the seat) Grandma, meet Sheldon. Sheldon, say hi to my
grammy.
Sheldon: This is your grandma?
Phoebe: Uh-huh
Sheldon: In the box?
Phoebe: Well, she’s… you know…dead.
Sheldon: How can you be sure she’s dead?
Have you never heard of Schrodinger’s cat?
Phoebe: Well… my mom used to live in a cat
once, but her owner’s name wasn’t (tries to remember) Dinger.
Sheldon: Oh dear. Schrodinger’s cat was a
thought experiment on the interpretation of quantum mechanics. Let me dumb it down for you. You put a cat in a box and lock it, and until you open
the box, the cat can be alive, or dead, or both. How do you know your grandma
is dead without opening the box?
Phoebe; You would put a cat in a box? That
is so cruel.
Sheldon: (to himself) I can’t believe I
gave up going to the train store for this. (to Phoebe) Where’s the seat belt?
Phoebe: Oh yes, funny story, the paramedics
had to cut through it. I’d get a new one, but grandma wants me to keep it the
way she left it, you know?
Sheldon: (Jumps out of the car) I told
Leonard I’d need my bus pants.
Phoebe: Bus pants? Are they like apartment
pants you wear in a bus?
Sheldon: What are apartment pants?
Phoebe: Well, they’re like, you know,
they’re… Hey, let’s go to Central Perk; it’s right here!
Scene 3:
Setting: Central Perk
Central Perk. Sheldon and Phoebe are
sitting on the orange couch.
Phoebe: So, Sheldon Germaphobe Cooper, tell
me more about you. Ross told me you’re a scientist, but he didn’t say much.
Sheldon: Of course he didn’t Ross Geller
studies dead things that are of no importance. I doubt he’d understand my
research, the complex study of the whole universe.
Phoebe: Wow, so you study God?
Sheldon: As much as my mother would love
that, no. I’m a theoretical physicist. I used to study string theory, but now I
study Dark matter.
Phoebe: You know, I’m not sure that’s a
good idea. There’s so much dark matter in the world. I know, you should study
love!
Sheldon: I should’ve gone on a date with
Penny.
Phoebe: Hey do you want coffee?
Sheldon: Sure, I’ll have coffee. Then maybe
I’ll have coitus with Kim Kardashian, who, as Penny informs me, has buttocks
the size of (Phoebe stares) I’ll have a hot chocolate, please.
Phoebe: (Placing a mug in front of him) Here
you go.
Sheldon: Heated to 120 degrees?
Phoebe: Yes.
Sheldon: Cocoa Powder and not chocolate
syrup?
Phoebe: Yes.
Sheldon: Extra Sugar?
Phoebe: Yes.
Sheldon: I don’t see marshmallows. You
missed them.
Phoebe: I’ll get you some (in undertone)
you crazy freak.
Sheldon: Never mind, it’s ruined. And I’m
not crazy, my mother had me tested.
Phoebe: So tell me, do you date much?
Sheldon: I date Science, much like Isaac
Newton and Albert Einstein.
Phoebe: Don’t get me started on Newton. And
who’s Einstein?
Sheldon: You don’t know Albert Einstein?
Where did you go to school?
Phoebe: Well, after my mother killed
herself and my stepdad was back in prison, and I was living in the streets, I
had trouble concentrating at school, you know.
Sheldon: When you’re done with your
chatter, that’s Albert Einstein (shows image on phone).
Phoebe: That’s not the Albert guy, that’s
my grandfather!
Sheldon: (Stares dubiously, then makes a
phone call) Leonard, take me home.
Phoebe: You’re leaving?
Sheldon: Yes. I suddenly miss my friends.
Phoebe: Will you call me?
Sheldon: Are you my mother?
Phoebe: No
Sheldon: Are you Stephen Hawking? Professor
Proton? My paediatrician? My dentist?
Phoebe: (Emphatically) No!
Sheldon: Then why on earth would I call you?
Phoebe: Never mind.
Sheldon: Well, Leonard should be here any
moment. I’d say it was nice meeting you, but since it really wasn’t, goodbye.
Phoebe: (holds out hand) Goodbye, Sheldon.
Sheldon: (Hesitates, gingerly touches her
hand, withdraws it and sprays hand sanitiser) Goodbye (Leaves)
Phoebe: Wow, that was like second base with
this guy.