A Scientific Blind Date

This post is dedicated to fans of 2 greatest sitcoms, F.R.I.E.N.D.S and The Big Bang Theory. I took two most unique characters, one from each show and created a blind date.

If you need a back story, Sheldon loses a bet to Leonard and has to go on a date with whoever Leonard sets him up with. Phoebe accompanies Ross to a Paleontology conference  where Leonard, who is on a Physics conference, overhears her talking to Ross, and cannot think of anyone else who could be a worse blind date for Sheldon. Leonard talks to Ross and Ross agrees since Phoebe has been pestering him to set her up; neither Phoebe nor Sheldon has an idea of what they are in for (let's forget Mike and Amy for a minute there).

Scene 1
Setting: Phoebe's Apartment

Phoebe in her apartment, speaking over the phone.

Phoebe: Hey Mon, little change of plans; looks like I can’t come over to babysit the twins after all (listens) Well, you are the twins’ mother, and, well, that made me think about my mother and how she killed herself… (hesitates) alright, I have a date, but it’s Ross’s fault, he set me up… (hesitates) alright, I begged him to set me up… is that one of the twins crying? You should get that” hangs up and exhales.

Knock on door.

Knock knock knock

Voice: Miss Buffay?

Knock knock knock

Voice: Miss Buffay?

Knock knock knock

Voice: Miss Buffay?

Phoebe listens, puzzled; then opens the door.

Sheldon: Hi, I’m Sheldon Cooper.

Phoebe: HI, I’m Phoebe Buffay (holds out her hand).

Sheldon: (Stares at Phoebe’s hand) Aren’t you a masseuse?

Phoebe: I’m a guitar player, telemarketer, a womb rental one time, and yes, a masseuse.

Sheldon: Good Lord (walks down the hallway)

Phoebe: Good one, Phoebs (Follows Sheldon down the hall).

Scene 2

Setting: Street

Sheldon is waiting on the street. Phoebe drives down in her grandmother’s cab.

Phoebe: Hey, Sheldon, hop into my relaxi-taxi.

Sheldon (to himself): Like I’m going to relax in that. (gets into the car. to Phoebe): This is your car?

Phoebe: Well, it’s my grandmother’s car, but she sometimes lets me drive it. Would you like to say hi to her?

Sheldon: I only talk to my mee-maw. Other grandmothers are gross.

Phoebe: Come on, she’s right here! (takes out a box from under the seat) Grandma, meet Sheldon. Sheldon, say hi to my grammy.

Sheldon: This is your grandma?

Phoebe: Uh-huh

Sheldon: In the box?

Phoebe: Well, she’s… you know…dead.

Sheldon: How can you be sure she’s dead? Have you never heard of Schrodinger’s cat?

Phoebe: Well… my mom used to live in a cat once, but her owner’s name wasn’t (tries to remember) Dinger.

Sheldon: Oh dear. Schrodinger’s cat was a thought experiment on the interpretation of quantum mechanics. Let me dumb it down for you. You put a cat in a box and lock it, and until you open the box, the cat can be alive, or dead, or both. How do you know your grandma is dead without opening the box?

Phoebe; You would put a cat in a box? That is so cruel.

Sheldon: (to himself) I can’t believe I gave up going to the train store for this. (to Phoebe) Where’s the seat belt?

Phoebe: Oh yes, funny story, the paramedics had to cut through it. I’d get a new one, but grandma wants me to keep it the way she left it, you know?

Sheldon: (Jumps out of the car) I told Leonard I’d need my bus pants.

Phoebe: Bus pants? Are they like apartment pants you wear in a bus?

Sheldon: What are apartment pants?

Phoebe: Well, they’re like, you know, they’re… Hey, let’s go to Central Perk; it’s right here!

Scene 3:

Setting: Central Perk

Central Perk. Sheldon and Phoebe are sitting on the orange couch.

Phoebe: So, Sheldon Germaphobe Cooper, tell me more about you. Ross told me you’re a scientist, but he didn’t say much.

Sheldon: Of course he didn’t Ross Geller studies dead things that are of no importance. I doubt he’d understand my research, the complex study of the whole universe.

Phoebe: Wow, so you study God?

Sheldon: As much as my mother would love that, no. I’m a theoretical physicist. I used to study string theory, but now I study Dark matter.

Phoebe: You know, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. There’s so much dark matter in the world. I know, you should study love!

Sheldon: I should’ve gone on a date with Penny.

Phoebe: Hey do you want coffee?

Sheldon: Sure, I’ll have coffee. Then maybe I’ll have coitus with Kim Kardashian, who, as Penny informs me, has buttocks the size of (Phoebe stares) I’ll have a hot chocolate, please.

Phoebe: (Placing a mug in front of him) Here you go.

Sheldon: Heated to 120 degrees?

Phoebe: Yes.

Sheldon: Cocoa Powder and not chocolate syrup?

Phoebe: Yes.

Sheldon: Extra Sugar?

Phoebe: Yes.

Sheldon: I don’t see marshmallows. You missed them.

Phoebe: I’ll get you some (in undertone) you crazy freak.

Sheldon: Never mind, it’s ruined. And I’m not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Phoebe: So tell me, do you date much?

Sheldon: I date Science, much like Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein.

Phoebe: Don’t get me started on Newton. And who’s Einstein?

Sheldon: You don’t know Albert Einstein? Where did you go to school?

Phoebe: Well, after my mother killed herself and my stepdad was back in prison, and I was living in the streets, I had trouble concentrating at school, you know.

Sheldon: When you’re done with your chatter, that’s Albert Einstein (shows image on phone).

Phoebe: That’s not the Albert guy, that’s my grandfather!

Sheldon: (Stares dubiously, then makes a phone call) Leonard, take me home.

Phoebe: You’re leaving?

Sheldon: Yes. I suddenly miss my friends.

Phoebe: Will you call me?

Sheldon: Are you my mother?

Phoebe: No

Sheldon: Are you Stephen Hawking? Professor Proton? My paediatrician? My dentist?

Phoebe: (Emphatically) No!

Sheldon: Then why on earth would I call you?

Phoebe: Never mind.

Sheldon: Well, Leonard should be here any moment. I’d say it was nice meeting you, but since it really wasn’t, goodbye.

Phoebe: (holds out hand) Goodbye, Sheldon.

Sheldon: (Hesitates, gingerly touches her hand, withdraws it and sprays hand sanitiser) Goodbye (Leaves)

Phoebe: Wow, that was like second base with this guy.

A Kossie Christmas!

Tucked away in the heart of Snowy Mountains in Thredbo, New South Wales, lies majestic Mount Kosciuszko, the tallest mountain in Australia. On 25 December 2017, we hiked up to the summit. 

It was a beautiful day, and as many hikers we met who were regular visitors to The Snowies during Christmas told us, it was one of the best days for the climb. Fun fact: Originally, this was named Mount Townsend, and the real Mount Kosciuszko, thought to be the highest, was located nearby. In early 1900s, when measurements revealed that Mount Townsend was actually higher than Mount Kosciuszko, The NSW government simply swapped names, so Kossie remained the tallest mountain! Thanks to accurate measurements, I am pretty certain we did the right mountain! So here's our story of the climb:

It was just daylight as we left our cottage at Jindabyne. We had a short drive of about 35 km to Thredbo, and we were planning to take the chairlift up to the start of the trek, a 15 minute-ish ride up 560 vertical metres, offering great views.

The drive to Thredbo was smooth. Even with narrow winding roads and a drizzle, we made it pretty quickly. Once we found a good carpark, we bought our tickets and headed towards the chairlift.

It was cold, and there was thick mist, but we didn’t realise just how thick it was before the chairlift moved up. This was the middle of summer, just after 9 am. A little way up, we could faintly make out a biking track below, and a lone biker on her way down. Another few feet up, the tracks disappeared. Mayank, who was trying to shoot a video, soon gave up since all he could see through the mist was my face.

Seconds later we were in the heart of Mistland and we couldn’t even see the car in front of us, or the one behind. Weird thoughts kept popping up in my head. What if we keep going forever? What if we’ve stepped into some alternate dimension? I clutched Mayank’s hand, determined to take him whatever alternate universe it was I was going to.

The end of the chairlift would have been easy to miss, had it not been for the man on duty there, and we might have ended up going back without realising it. A building suddenly loomed into view, and a cheerful man on duty greeted us with a smile and helped us off the car, and we gratefully clambered off.

Now we had made our way to the top of the chairlift, there was the walk itself. Kosciuszko National Park has several walks up to the mountain, and being novices, we chose the easiest one, a 13 km return parth.

The walk started relatively easy, with a defined track to walk on. There were no trees up there, only grass and certain wild flowers. Covered by mist, everything looked surreal. There weren’t many people up there this early, or if there were, we couldn’t see them.

We trooped ahead, me with the camera, snapping pictures here and there, and Mayank warning me to save some battery till we got to the top.

A little farther along our way, the sun came up, and the mist cleared. As our surroundings materialised, we realised there were many people doing the walk. It got a little warm, and I took one of my two jackets off and stowed it away. Soon, we could see patches of snow here and there on the surrounding mountains. We even stopped at a patch of snow to make a tiny little snowman without eyes or nose, which I held on to till my ungloved fingers went numb.

Luckily for us, the path wasn’t all uphill. A little way ahead was a beautiful lookout point from where we could see several mountains ahead of us. We tried to debate about which the tallest one was, but from where we were, they all looked similar in size and we gave up without reaching a consensus.

Mayank and I are both more mountain people than beach ones. I, for one, find them calming, but also mysterious. Mountains have stood the test of time, and could perhaps tell us fascinating stories. Serenity abounds around mountains, and we feel connected with nature.

Coming back to the story, we moved farther along the path, stopping for photos or merely to catch our breaths after a fairly uphill stretch. We passed several patches of snow from winter, still lingering.

About 2.4 kilometres before the summit lies the famous Lake Cootapatamba. I’d laughed myself silly when I heard the name during our research. At 2024 metres above sea level, it is the highest lake in Australia. Derived from Aboriginal heritage and meaning “The Icy waters where the eagle swoops to drink,” this lake remains frozen from June until September. A spectacular sight at this high altitude, it is known to have formed about 20,000 years ago due to glacial movements.

A little ahead, 900 metres from the summit, lies Rawson Pass. This is where the two different paths (the express chairlift walk and Charlotte’s Pass) converge. The last stretch was a little steep, but the view from this altitude was so great it was more than worth the exertion. A little ahead of Rawson pass, we walked past a solid stretch of snow where kids were climbing, sliding, and building snowmen. Christmas with snow, the way it’s meant to be!

Spectacular view from Rawson Pass

Finally, panting, we made it to the summit. Even though it was a little crowded as it was just past one and we had to wait patiently for ‘Summit Photos’, we didn’t mind it, we were busy drinking in the view. Mountains dominated the scenery as far as we could see. Different shades of blue and green interplayed to create an effect so beautiful, no photograph would do it justice (no photograph from our basic Pan Lens).

The tallest person in Australia (Just for that one moment)

A cloud shadow on Kossie

We ate the lunch we brought and sat down for a while at the top of the summit before deciding to head down. We stopped at the large stretch of snow again, Mayank trying to slide and me trying to build a snowman. My fingers were so stiff it was a futile attempt, and Mayank turned out to be too tall to slide. After a few minutes, we decided to head back since we had a long way to go, and if we missed the chairlift, would have a hard time finding dinner at night, stranded atop a mountain.

Past Rawson Pass, Lake Cootapatamba and the lookout, and we could now view the surroundings which we couldn’t in the morning mist. It was a beautiful bright day, thousands of wild flowers danced among the rippling grass in the gentle afternoon breeze.

We were back at the chairlift, just as our legs were about to give way. We could truly appreciate the view as we moved down the mountains.

All too soon, we were clambering off the chairlift, and out the entrance point, heading back to the carpark. We looked up and, even though we couldn’t see Mount Kosciuszko anymore, thanked it for a truly spectacular Christmas.

Picture Courtesy: Some of the pictures above are mine and some are Mayank's. He says the best ones are his, and I begrudgingly agree.

Borders

They called them borders,
Invisible lines that divided them.
On color, creed, castes and races.
States and Nations and Continents
That made up the Earth, yet divided it.

I am superior because of my color, they said,
You're superior because of your caste.
So what if we are all humans,
We need borders, we need division.

Your God is not my God, they said,
No, you are not equal to me.
So what if we're all nature's children,
We still create our own God.

We fight to fulfill our own greed, they said,
Deny what we want, and you die.
So what if we were meant to live together,
Greed comes before humanity.

We will fight till one of us is wiped out, they said,
We cannot live in harmony.
So what if we must all die in the end,
We need to establish our supremacy.

We fight for our God and race, they said,
For our nation and our pride,
So what if Love has lost its meaning,
In borders we live, and we die.

(Image Source: http://www.tradeonsilkroad.com/countrydetails.php?es_id=144)

The Story of Earth

The Earth was dying.
She thought back
To the days she was young,
A piece flung off the sun;
The years spent spinning, clueless;
Spinning, wondering
In some corner of the
Mystery that is Cosmos.

To the era of rains,
That beat down on her, unrelenting;
To the first spark of life;
To the little Amoeba;
To the little green plant
That grew into forests.
To the Jurassic Era,
The endless stamping
Of monstrous feet
To their extinction.

To the days of apes,
To the days of evolution.
The days of Neanderthals
To the days of Cro-Magnons,
Old and New Stone Ages.

To where Rome and Egypt flourished,
To the days of grandeur and glory
Of emperors, palaces and cathedrals,
To the day they were buried.
To music, painting, poetry,
To love, hope, laughter, and dreams.
To human spirit and bond.
To ego, greed and hate.

To brilliance and innovation,
To the era of machines,
To the era of computers.

To the days of nuclear weapons.
To the days of war.
The day her children killed each other,
Now buried inside her forever
In eternal peace.
To the era of endless desolation.

"If I could live again", thought she,
A human being I'd like to be,
They came and laughed and cried and went,
Not caring how much they hurt me".

Bearing in her mind that last thought,
The Earth turned into a mundane rock,
The stars twinkled in farewell, and
The universe went on like clockwork.

 (Image Source: https://pathwaytoascension.wordpress.com/category/new-earth/)

Just A Morning....

In His Eastern abode,

He molds pearly water

Into a glowing sphere;

He opens the door;

With the golden light

The whole world he does smear.

Here bounces a fountain

Of liquid diamond,

Sparkling with molten joy;

The fragrant buds

Of Jasmine plants

Blossom in their beauty, coy.

Little drops of elixir

Shine on leaves,

Glitter on flowers.

Little miracles,

This beautiful dawn

Upon us He showers.

The petals of flowers

Are calling out to

A swarm of buzzing bees;

That spread the fragrance

All over the place

Carried by the morning breeze.

The melodious notes

Of birdsongs

Arise from plants and trees;

The earth has become

A musical place

That makes the Heavens freeze.

The eyes see,

The tongue tastes,

The body feels the touch;

The mind is lost,

The senses caught

In the morning beauty's clutch.

(Translated from Dattatreya Ramachandra Bendre's "MooDala Maneya")

(Image Source: http://ohananery.com/en/index.php/2015/change-this-unique-habit-and-your-life-will-change/)

The "Dream" Date

He took me to a restaurant
Where ghosts served the food,
The waiter asked for orders
But I couldn't see where he stood.

Knives and forks were whizzing past,
Some moved slow and some moved fast,
Laden with food, plates floated around,
And landed on tables without a sound.

A bottle of champagne came flying by,
The cork flew open in the wink of an eye,
The bottle tilted into the glass,
And poured out the drink, with finesse and class.

"Cheers", I said and raised my drink,
And at the bottom, I saw a ring,
He smiled, got up and on his knees,
All the plates mid air did freeze.

He took my wrist and helped me stand,
And slipped the ring into my hand,
We drank and dined and tipped them well,
At that point, out of bed I fell.

(Image Source: http://pat-funstuff.blogspot.in/2010/06/ghost-restaurant.html)

A Prayer

Light the lamp in us, O Lord,
Show us of life the right way,
To be lost in the dark we cannot afford,
Lead us to light, we pray.

Free us from the chains of ignorance,
Make our wisdom glow,
Bring us out of our deep trance,
Let thy children grow.

Chase away the clouds of hatred,
Strike them with thy power,
Rid the world of all the dread,
Let the rains of love shower.

Hold our hands, O mighty one,
Lead us away from sin,
Without thy help, right can't be done,
Against wrong we cannot win.

For all our sins, O Almighty,
We beg thy graceful pardon,
Take thy children, and let us rest
In thy colorful garden.

(Image Source: www.siliconafrica.com)